Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Too-Early-To-Be-Pissed-Off and The Big Dingdong
Why is it some days seem to have a certain negative theme all day? Like Nothing-Works-Right day or Everything-Is-Breaking day or Telephone-Solicitation day or I-Need-To-Talk-But-Noone's-Answering-Their-Phone day or Planned-A-Picnic-And-It-Rained day or Automated-Phone-System-Hell day or...well, you get the point. Anyway, today seems to be Piss-Me-Off-Or-Be-Pissed-At-Me day.
So far, I have pissed off Daniel and Steven both this morning and I got pissed off at two strangers. I drove the boys too school this morning because I had to go into Bardstown to return a couple DVDs to the video store so I might as well give them a break from the bus right? Plus, we all three wanted to hear the BIG MUSIC ANNOUNCEMENT** that our favorite radio station alerted us last night would be made this morning (does that make sense?). Back to the topic at hand, when I pulled into the school parking lot, I got confused about who was to be dropped off at which building and who was to be dropped off first. I pulled into a section of the parking lot between the two destinations to get the small matter resolved and once done, headed toward the main building. Daniel abruptly told me -- with teenager attitude -- that I was not supposed to go that way. It was a completely empty area and gave me a straight shot to where I was supposed to go, so why the hell not? I said please forgive me, I didn't know I was committing a crime to which they both replied I was overreacting..okay fine. Then Steven says, right before getting out, that I was wandering around the parking lot like I didn't know what I was doing. I said you know, I probably don't 'cause I don't normally do this do I? He slammed the door, jarring my already slightly-frazzled nerves. What the fuck is he so pissy for this morning?!
After dropping Daniel off at his building, I shot over to the video store to drop off Taxi and Saw (Taxi was pretty funny, esp. outtakes trailer, and Saw is a must-see psychological thriller). I drop them in the slot and as I'm walking back to the car I notice a guy sitting alone in his car several spaces over. Staring. And staring. Not even averting his eyes when I spot him staring. And staring. I'm thinking what the hell??? I look like shit this morning! Really! I'm wearing maroon sweats, a big gray sweatshirt and a bulky ugly navy blue coat. I went to bed last night with my hair all thrown up in this schoolteacher bun and woke up with it now slightly to the left and rather fuzzy-looking. I didn't even bother to take it down and comb it or fix it before leaving so early this morning because the only thing I was even gonna get out of the car for was to drop those movies in the slot. So I just said screw it, ya know? And of course, no makeup, which I seldom wear anyway. So again, what the hell??? Regardless of whether he's looking at me because he finds me attractive or because he thinks I'm a freak of nature, a hard bold stare like that -- from a stranger no less -- just really pissed me off, for some reason. There are times I might feel flattered by it, but not today. On to the second stranger.
First I have to explain what my road's like. It's 2.1 miles of narrow country road, mostly lined with trees, several steep areas that bottom out with a creek, a few blind curves, ditches that will leave your chassis on the pavement (yes, it's paved), and a sharp uphill incline on the other side. This is NOT a road you want to drive fast on. Trust me. But there's always some asshole who acts like they have the road to themselves even when they see you approaching well in advance! I know this because he about blew me off the road today. Uh-oh. Now I am responsible to help him learn from this mistake. You see, I am the self-appointed Conscientious Driving Instructor for my street. I have one previous student who I'm proud to say now slows down when she sees me and passes me with the same care I pass her with. The instruction is rather simple.
In order to pass this course, you must realize two things: 1. I am not slowing down because I need to stop and take a leak in the trees or because I spotted a quarter on the road or because I suddenly realized I have a flat. I'm slowing down because I see you and am considering the dangers to both/either of us if we don't pass each other with caution.
2. I don't get over as far as I possibly can because I am a timid person or because I recognize your superior driving abilities or because my car is allergic to your car. I get over because I want to make sure we both have plenty of room to pass each other and our side mirrors aren't going to be kissing.
In order to pass this course, you must learn the skills of slowing down when passing another vehicle on a narrow country road and getting your ass over as far as it is safe to do so!
Tried-and-true method of teaching: When the student is seen approaching, the teacher --me-- will stay in the middle of the road where she cannot be passed, continuing forward slowly until student, having no choice, also slows down. At this point, the teacher --me-- will move back over to her side of the road and student and teacher shall pass each other in a safe manner.
The first student learned after being taught the lesson only twice. Let's see how fast the second student will learn.
Hey, I'd rather be a bitch than wind up 20-30 feet down in the creek like a turtle on its back!
**Regarding the BIG MUSIC ANNOUNCEMENT: Tommy Lee himself was on the phone with the DJ to let us know that in September, Motley Crue is coming to Freedom Hall. (He was announced as "The Man with the big dingdong, Tommy Lee"!!! Um, okay. And that affects his music how? And I need to know this because?)